Is it Okay to Hook Up with Someone I Hate?

Dear Tia,

There’s this woman I work with who drives me completely crazy in every sense of the word. She’s outspoken about things she knows little about and needs to be right all the time. If someone is having a private conversation, she has to jump in and make it all about her. She’s always interrupting and correcting everything from people’s grammar to their posture, and—here’s the biggest issue—we have opposing political views. I truly can’t stand to be in the same room with her for more than ten minutes, BUT… I would totally fuck her if given the chance.

I know it’s crazy, but even though I kind of hate her, I can’t deny that she’s super hot. Also, I think it would be easy to make it happen. She’s been flirting with me and I heard from another of our co-workers that she’s newly single and looking to hook up with someone. I feel like such a douche for even considering it, but would it really be that big of a deal? It wouldn’t be anything serious, just one night of sex. What do you think? – Jay

Dear Jay,

What you’re referring to here is something called “hate fucking,” and it has fueled the sex lives of many a horny hater since the dawn of time. Normally I would not stand in the way of a good hate fuck, but in your case I wouldn’t recommend it. First off, you mentioned that she’s been flirting with you. Unless you have it on good authority that she hates you as much as you hate her, I would assume that she actually likes you, and hate fucking someone is really only okay if the hatred is mutual.

Furthermore, she’s fresh out of a relationship and could be feeling vulnerable. Also, you work together, so things could get complicated. And you already feel bad, and you haven’t even done it yet.

That said, hate is a powerful emotion that can sometimes be an indicator of real, deeper feelings. Are you sure you hate her or is it possible that you actually just hate that you like her? These are two very different things. – Tia

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