Can I Just Call or Text a Woman for Sex

Q: Dear Holly. I met a woman online a few months back. Our first date ended with a goodnight kiss and talk of a second date, which ended with a hookup at her place. We’ve met for drinks once since and had sex again.

The sex is hot, but the truth is that I don’t think she’s for me when it comes to a serious relationship. We just don’t have much in common other than our desire for sex. Can I just text her for sex, a booty call, or is that gross. – Cam

A: Hi Cam. We live in a hookup culture wherein casual sex isn’t seen as gross or disgusting by most people. Online dating allows people to find every kind of relationship on the dating spectrum you can imagine, from a one-night stand to a long-lasting committed relationship.

The connection you’ve made with this woman sounds fairly run of the mill, when it comes to online dating. You take a risk when you decide to message and meet up in person, because even when you feel chemistry through a few sexy back-and-forth texts, what transpires in real life can be very different.

It sounds like a casual relationship would be ideal for you right now, and because you’ve already hooked up twice, it’s perfectly fine to start a conversation about what you both want. If you do know that she’s looking for something serious, cut her loose now.

Calling a woman for sex is only okay if you’ve had a dialogue to discuss your individual desires and boundaries. Booty calls are definitely not every woman’s cup of tea, even for those who enjoy casual sex. A lot of women want to engage in other activities before sex, whether it’s going for drinks, a walk, or take-out dinner.

If she does agree to having a sex-only relationship, talk about booty call rules. These might include availability, talking about other relationships, confidentiality, or frequency of hookups. The most important thing is that you are on the same page.

If your new friend isn’t one with benefits, jump back into the dating pond because there are lots of women who would love a no-strings sexual relationship.

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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