What Your Underwear Says about You

Oh, how often I’ve heard women discuss the types of underpants we men wear! And they theorize about what it all means, about us, our personalities, and our sex-factor.

Well, ladies, I couldn’t agree more: our underpants are the roadmaps to our souls!

…they’re also the final filling-station before the next long stretch of road —so take a moment to consider the effect they can have when eyes are first laid upon them in close quarters:

Tightie-whities. Sorry, gentlemen, but wearing briefs is the kind of sartorial savvy that women expect from their grandfathers, not their lovers. I suppose they’re also cute on toddlers when decorated with superhero insignia. Don’t get me wrong: they’re a very practical undergarment. But is “practical” foremost on your mind when you’re seconds away from having your cock sucked? Message sent: you’ll make a great father.

Butt Floss. A thong is worn by those who love commando but not the accompanying chafing. These guys like to feel sexy. It should be noted, however, that most of the guys I know who claim to wear a thong also have a boyfriend. And considering how they nestle in your crack, you’d better have a bubble-butt to parade. Message sent: you like to feel sexy, and so does your boyfriend.

The Invisible Man. Confidence, efficiency, and liberty for all — that’s the motto of a man who goes commando. Feeling sexy is a priority, as is being ready to go at the drop of his pants. Chafing? Pfft — it’s worth it. Don’t be completely fooled, though: sometimes these guys just hate doing the extra laundry. Message sent: behold my manhood, hear it roar.

Old-school. Boxers are a win-win for everyone. Fashionable and sexy (if well chosen), comfortable, practical, and mighty hot when a tent is pitched. They seal in the goods, but allow for easy access when the moment arrives. Message sent: not only do you feel sexy, you’ll probably make a great father.

But, seriously, if you get that far, will a disliking to the underwear stop anyone? Doubt it. At worst, she’ll be momentarily distracted.

Or laugh at you behind your back with her friends the next day.

So choose your smalls wisely!

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