It was just a hookup, a night of hot sweaty sex. You both agreed NSA. But now you can’t get her out of your mind and find yourself obsessing, mulling over that one unforgettable evening and driving yourself crazy.
We can’t control the topsy-turvy thrills of the body and heart, and that’s what makes sex so amazing. When pushing boundaries of pleasure, we are also intimately sharing ourselves. It’s bound to happen at some point. Here’s how to deal.
1. Tell her about it.
Maybe you agreed to get together once and haven’t heard from her since. Or maybe you hook up time-to-time for encores, but she has no idea how you really feel.
You cannot predict or control the outcome—but contrary to what you guys think, a woman cannot read your mind.
Let her know things have gone beyond the rendezvous.
Be prepared though—you may never see her again. But if that’s how the cookie crumbles, moving on quicker is better for you anyhow.
2. Or don’t tell her—it depends.
You may feel infatuated by her beauty and charm and the sounds of her orgasmic throes. But are you really ready to settle down—even for her?
Just because you fall for someone, it doesn’t make you ready for a relationship.
Consider this: you’re used to hooking up and believe deep in your bones that variety is the spice of life. That longstanding conviction might run deeper than this new love.
Or maybe not. Maybe you’ve already sown your wild oats and want to change course.
These are things you should really think about before putting it out there.
3. Don’t change the rules.
You agreed to being fuck buddies, or a one night stand. Let her know your feelings have grown deeper, but remember, you have no right to suddenly switch gears.
Do not start demanding things from her that weren’t in the agreement, like who else she’s sleeping with.
4. Never pester or harass.
Period. If you’re a nice guy, you’ll be embarrassed later. Act in an upstanding way that you can be proud of even if things don’t turn out how you want them to.
5. Make a case for yourself.
You probably have a pretty good idea if she might feel the same, because something shifts in the unspoken communication in sex. Yes, it’s easy to misread, but if you’re honest and observant, you can sense whether she’s pulling away, or growing closer.
If there’s a good chance she feels it too, it’s worth making a case for yourself. State what’s on offer and how it could benefit her. Chemistry, shared interests, similar goals, both or neither kinky or poly—whatever it is beyond naked emotion, point out the benefits of risking a relationship, for both of you.
6. Her word is the final word.
Didn’t get the answer you want? Man up and move on. You won’t impress or change her mind by wheedling or getting histrionic.
That said, it’s okay to share your disappointment and ask to leave the door open. This works: “I admit I’m disappointed but I respect you and your position. If you give it some more thought and reconsider, I’d love to talk about it. Otherwise, I understand, thanks.”