What to Do When There’s No Chemistry on a First Date

Finding chemistry with a new partner is something we all hope for, but is it always instantaneous? You hear stories or maybe have experienced that immediate spark with someone that has led to a red-hot love affair or a long-term relationship. It feels good when it happens, but is it necessary to turn a first interaction into something fun, long-lasting or meaningful?

I didn’t have it with all my boyfriends or short-term flings. In my experience powerful instant chemistry is rare and something you see more often in the movies. And when you do have it, you may find out it’s only based on physical attraction and turn out to be fleeting.

With online dating there is always a short, sometimes long dance between persons interested before there is even an in-person first date. You can feel chemistry through online flirting which may build expectations that should be kept low to avoid disappointment. So, let’s get to that all important first date…

You see the person for the first time, based on positive exchanges you’ve had online, and BOOM… they fail to live up to your hype. You sit down, and start to wonder how long it will be before you can leave without looking like a jerk. Okay, so that’s a little dramatic, but most serial online daters know what I’m talking about. Or maybe you have some physical attraction but after you begin conversing, what comes out of their mouth doesn’t match the looks.

Let’s remember, everyone has nerves and is never quite themselves on a first date. Many couples tell stories about not being attracted, or even interested, in the partner they are with now and love very much, so I recommend not bolting if instant chemistry isn’t there.

3 Options When You Don’t Have Chemistry on a First Date

1. Forget about It and Focus
Be positive and focus your attention on your date with a plan to get to know her as much as possible. Attraction grows just as much from physical appearance as from what’s beneath the surface. Maybe you’re very hot for her, but you don’t feel she’s that keen… before she bolts, put your best self forward with your best qualities.

2. Switch Gears
If you’re doing the traditional coffee shop or drinks first date, this may be the problem. These settings lend themselves to an interview-style date that make it hard for anyone to shine. Suggest something fun like bowling or skating. If this is the last time you see this person, you’ll have had a fun experience to remember at least.

2. Be Open to Round Two
Okay, so you still don’t feel it at the end of date. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so unless there was a red flag or a disgusting turn off during the date, suggest going out again. If she politely tells you she isn’t interested in seeing you again, be gracious and know that you were willing to try.

5 Kinds of Chemistry: Have You Felt Them All?

What do you think? Is no chemistry on a first date the end of the line?

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