Breakups are painful events that most people experience at least once (if no several) times in their lives. And it’s not always the quantity but quality of the relationship that determines how long it takes us to move on.
I talked to my boyfriend about this not long before we actually did break up, about what we thought our reactions would be around dating again. I said I would swear off men for all eternity (or at least for a good chunk of time) and he said he would probably go back on the dating site where we met. I didn’t feel hurt, as I know he’s the kind of guy who likes to be in a relationship. He also said this was more typical a reaction of men.
I’m still not ready to go back to my dating profiles and see what’s out there, but I’m not everyone. Here are some tips I’ve gleaned from my experiences, as well as friends, about dating after a breakup.
Heal thyself. It’s hard to escape a breakup without a few bumps and bruises to our self-esteem and egos. Putting our less-than selves out there for other people isn’t really fair, and the possible rejection can take you down a few more notches. Take this dating downtime to do what makes you feet good, be it working out, enjoying your passions, or spending time with family and friends.
Take it slow. You may have this drive to recreate what you just lost, but remember that all that takes time and patience. Women will be wary of the rebound effect when they meet a man who is just out of a long-term relationship. This is where casual dating can be of great use. And if you say that’s what you’re looking for in your profile, you won’t be leading any women on.
Take stock. This will benefit not only you, but the women you meet. Be real about how well you are coping with the breakup. Usually the breaker uppee gets the short end of the stick, but both parties will have their own timeline for grieving the loss. Are you really ready to start dating, or are you still hung up on or in love with your ex? Do you find yourself venting on a first date?
Be honest. Write a new dating profile that reflects where you are now and exactly what you’re looking for. Answer any questions a date might have, unless it’s clearly been established that all you both want is a hookup with no strings attached. For some people, sex can be therapeutic to the post-breakup healing. If you’re not a casual sex kinda guy, just meeting women for conversation and company is okay too.
Focus on fun. Most of us get into some kind of funk after a breakup, and some of us go into a depression. Breakups are no joke. Taking a light-hearted approach to dating after your breakup is the way to go if you have been suffering. Just getting out there, having healthy conversations, and engaging in activity is good for the soul. Try planning dates that aren’t coffee shop or bar meetups, but require some kind of active component.