Sex on the first date is never a given. There is probably some chart whereby you could determine how much a person cares about you in relation to how fast they are willing to fuck you. It isn’t a 100% match, though.
Every woman is unique, and you need to work through a few possibilities to figure out what is going on.
5 Reasons First Date Sex Isn’t Happening
1. She Likes You
The most obvious and frequent answer to why you aren’t getting laid on a first date is that she wants to keep you around longer. If this is about relationship building, she wants to see if you’re willing to be patient. She also wants to gauge how much you like her.
The reverse side is that if she can show you that she doesn’t give it up easy, then you are more likely to trust her fidelity, long term. She doesn’t put out for everybody.
2. She Doesn’t Like You
Not every date ends in a match. You might not be her type. Or maybe your game isn’t where it should be. You should never resent someone who isn’t into you. There will always be people who turn you down, no matter who you are. Just as there will always be people who are willing to roll with you (in the hay, that is).
Learn to deal with sexual rejection, because it can be a big part of online dating.
3. She’s Hiding Something
Sometimes a date is sincerely an effort to get to know someone, or get laid. At other times, a date is a person kicking the tires on possibilities. She might have another lover, so really the date isn’t about you so much as it is about her exploring possibilities or trying to feel something different from her regular routine.
This honestly can lead to a sexual encounter, depending on how you play it, and how much truth she tells. But the thrill of being there might be enough for her.
4. You Are Chicken
Sometimes all the cues are there, and she’s putting out all the signals, but you just don’t have the sense—or the courage—to take them. This happens more often than you think. It’s a delicate game to play, especially in this era where inappropriate advances can have serious consequences, but a lot of women still get turned on by a man taking charge, or making bold first moves.
I’ve kissed a woman I was on a first date with, only to have her tell me she’d been waiting all night for me to show some guts.
5. She Has Her Period
It might not be you at all. She might have her period and doesn’t want to say anything. There might be some other physical thing going on that isn’t your business just yet. Again, don’t take it personally!
Having sex while she is menstruating isn’t always a big deal for many women if it’s the very beginning or tail end—take your cues from her.
What are your thoughts on sex on a first date? Share in the comments!