How to Tease Her Kinks Out

Q: Dear Holly. I met a woman online six months ago. We have a lot in common and share the same values. Sex is steady, but often feels routine. She’s super hot with a killer body, but she seems repressed somehow.

I’m not a guy who needs super weird or kinky sex, but I have enjoyed role playing, light bondage, and spanking in the past with ex-girlfriends. Apart from coming right out and asking her if she would like to try some of these, what I can I do to mix things up in the bedroom. I’m thirty-six, and she’s twenty-five. – Conner

A: Hi Conner. Describing your sex as routine after only six months together doesn’t sound great because most couples are still in the playful experimentation phase at this point. Not to worry though, as there are many things you can do to spice things up.

Tips to Tease Her Kinks Out

  1. Talk about sex outside the bedroom. This is a safe way to gage what she thinks about certain acts, and she won’t feel pressured.
  2. Watch porn together. Not only is this a great way to get turned on together, but it’s also a way to see what won’t be on the menu.
  3. Buy her a sexy gift. Don’t surprise her with anything too out there, but something playful and fun, like fuzzy handcuffs, a tiny vibrator, or flavorful lube.
  4. Share your fantasies and fetishes first. Sometimes all it takes is someone in the relationship to take the lead, especially if one person is shy or introverted.
  5. Make her feel desirable. You can do this in a number of ways such as complimenting her, showing affection, and tell her how much she turns you on.

At twenty-five, she may not have a lot of experience, or the lovers she has had may have been very vanilla or inexperienced themselves. You’ve got eleven years on her, in which time you’ve probably matured and branched out in different areas as a lover. A lot of women her age just don’t have the sexual confidence of a more mature lady.

Be patient and if all else fails, try dating someone your age or older!

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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