Sex is something that remains forever complex and confusing for some people at the best of times, and sometimes just infuriating and unfortunate at the worst of times. We all can use some help in our day-to-day lives out there in the trenches of romance, trying to find the person and the people that match with us best, and will save us from making bad memories with all the OTHER people out there that we should NOT be hooking up with!
In the wise words of Kenny Rogers: “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em; Know when to fold ’em; Know when to walk away; And know when to run!” No risk, no reward is the first adage of the gambler, and there is no place on earth to escape this truth as an erotic adventurer.
You gotta put your heart out there, and body parts too, to make something happen with someone you desire. We are not mind readers, and men and women have much different perceptions of the universe from one another. So it’s up to YOU to bridge the gap of unknown space that disconnects all of us as strangers.
5 Tips for Talking to Women You Desire
1. Speak more from your spirit than your mind.
If you have good ideas, dreams and intentions for someone beautiful you see: TELL THEM! Don’t overthink it or use some clever pick-up line that will make her fall in love instantly—life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Just talk to her and say one or two things you’d like to experience with her if you were to “be a thing.” Start small. Just START!
2. Don’t TRY to be something, just be who you ARE.
If you’re not THAT funny guy, don’t try to recount jokes you’ve heard at parties but rather share your interests. If you are totally into dinosaurs and NASA satellites, then tell her… AFTER you ask, “What are YOU into?”
Express your natural personality, and if you two are capable of connection and chemistry, it will naturally kind of weave itself together as you two cutely fumble through your introduction. If you are your normal quirky self, and she is her normal quirky self, you will find your way to the next moment eventually.
3. Ask to see her again.
Some people get so caught up in talking they forget that the whole deal is so you can TAKE HER OUT to hopefully hook up together down the road.
The point of approaching someone and asking them for their name and number is to spend time with them again in the future. So make sure that you ACTUALLY ASK if you can take her out for a coffee or a tea or a drink, to the movies, to the beach, to the library, or even to a sex club… just plant the seed for a future rendezvous!
4. Respect her boundaries… but dance with the energy.
DO NOT engage in any physical contact with a woman you have interest in until she SHOWS you signs that it’s okay to do something more connected, or unless she GIVES you a clear indication of a desire to bond—touching you on the arm while laughing, reaching out to hold your hand, maybe a playful punch in the shoulder after a funny and clever insult, or holding your hand a few extra seconds while you pass her the drink you bought for her.
There are clear-cut indications of physical interest, and if she shows them to you, then RUN with it and gently return the intention. And put a little cuteness cherry on top. Then a dash of sexy sprinkles. But NOT TOO MUCH! It’s a dance back and forth, not a green light to run amok. Take it slow and steady to win this race, rabbit.
5. Dare to be different.
This may seem counter-intuitive to the suggestion to “be yourself,” but it’s not unless there’s NOTHING about you that is unique, interesting, original, refreshing, creative, or different from everyone else on earth. If you have some extra special talent, then USE it. If you can play the guitar, then strum a song for her on the spot if you can. It may seem simplistic, but at the same time, NOT everyone can play the guitar or any instrument.
If you can make some kind of lasting impression with something unique that you’ve done for her, you have a good chance of getting another chance to keep making impressions! If you know magic tricks, do them. (But don’t do the same damn trick for every woman. Learn new things. Be different AND be unpredictable too. Don’t be some one-trick pony who relies on his one talent.) If your career is cool, then talk about it. Whatever it takes!
All’s fair in love and war. And I’m only speaking to the gentlemen readers: Fight for love, and fight your wars with honor, courage, and dignity. No savagery. No selfishness. Just be on some Babe Ruth business: the baseball player with the most strikeouts AND the most homeruns in MLB history! Keep on swinging, and you will eventually find your sweet spot. It’s a numbers game, but stats never tell the whole story—use your heart too.
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart