Hooking Up with a Co-Worker Crush

Hunting for Heartache? Date a Co-Worker

Ah, The New Girl in accounts receivable. What a doll! What a sexpot! And she’s single to boot! All the guys have noticed her. Even the married ones. Is she really that hot or are we being influenced by a fresh face in the halls? Who cares, I’m making a move. I may get lucky! …until I find myself answering for — and working alongside — some mighty shitsmear of office upset. (If you’re a woman reading this post, substitute all things “New Girl” with the male counterpart. That’s right: it’s not only guys who crumble when it comes to dipping into the worksauce.)

Give your head a shake: fucking around with co-workers is a lose-lose situation. Secret affairs. Split allegiances. Missed meetings. Distraction on the way to/while at/on the way home from work. It’s probably the most unprofessional of all the unprofessionals. You’d be better off pissing a bit of Ebola into your VP’s hand sanitizer.

Too bad we suck at taking advice that has anything to do with placating our already throbbing loins, though, huh? Regret is usually only made clear once we see the scars.

Are you still reading?! Cuz if you’re still thinking about — or currently in the midst of — an office romance, I’ll give it to you right now in black and white and bold! Fuck, why not toss in BLOCK CAPS FOR FREE, ALONG WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS, JUST TO BE SURE:

• YOUR PROFESSIONALISM WILL BE SCRUTINIZED, LET ALONE JUDGED!

• RUMOURS WILL SPREAD ABOUT YOU AROUND THE OFFICE!

• FRIENDS WILL BE LOST!

• A FLING IS NOT WORTH THE SUBSEQUENT SHITSTORM WHEN IT ALL COMES TO AN END… AND IT WILL COME TO AN END!

Keep your feelings to yourself, at least for a few months. Watch and feel the intensity of the attraction fade. Allow your loins space to catch their breath. Then thank your lucky stars you didn’t do anything stupid or embarrassing.

If, while reading this online post, you’re asking yourself, “But I spend so much time at work — where else can I meet someone?!”, all’z I gotta say to that is, “Duh!”

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