We live in a hookup culture where relationships often go undefined. And this works for some people, but not everyone. I enjoy flings and short-term dating, but I am also open to finding someone who I will have a special connection with. Okay, maybe that’s what I secretly long for. And that’s why I use dating sites. I don’t hang out in bars the way I used to, and the idea of meeting a cool guy at the supermarket just seems like fantasy.
The one issue I have of living in a hookup culture is that people are not honest enough about what they want, and what they don’t want. And there are many reasons for this. Some people are worried they won’t attract enough potential dates if they say they don’t want to commit, while some don’t want to scare others off with their desire to be married… and maybe have kids! Dating is not for the faint of heart, especially online dating.
So, how do you date without commitment, and do it without feeling like a jerk or actually having to be one? Here are tips to help you have fun, be a good guy, and find women who want the same things.
4 Tips for Commitment-Free Dating
1. Be up front in your profile. If you are using dating sites to meet women, state what you’re looking for (not a redhead with a big booty) relationship-wise. It’s okay to say you are just interested in casual sex because there are many women who only want no-strings fun too.
2. Don’t message women looking for more. This is just a douche move if you don’t want a relationship. Because if she falls for you, she will get hurt. It’s hard to resist a beautiful woman, but you also have a dating reputation to protect (women do talk about jerk-offs) especially if you live in a small town.
3. Reiterate that you don’t want a girlfriend or relationship. This is important for both parties. You will be able to remind her of this conversation if things go a little wonky (and hopefully she will remember it.) Ladies: don’t think you will change his mind or ways. This conversation is the red flag to move along if you want a serious relationship.
4. Be careful in a friends-with-benefits situation. As good as this arrangement sounds or can actually be, it walks a fine line. Avoid heartbreak or discomfort by keeping your feelings on the table and talking about what is going on. Regular check-ins with your lover will help keep you on the same page.
All of these tips require good communication and the ability to be honest with yourself and others. If you struggle with these, keep practicing… it does get easier! If you have any advice or experience with this, please leave a comment.