How to Break Up with Your Friend with Benefits

You met someone else. The sex isn’t as good as it used to be. It’s time for a change.

There are many possible reasons to break it off with a casual friend with benefits, but how do you go about doing it? It’s not like a romantic relationship where you might expect to rehash things deep into the night, in between bouts of anger and tears.

You agreed to keep it casual, but you both knew it would have to end eventually. And all endings have the potential to scar, and for that reason alone, require sensitivity and tact.

How to End Things with Your FWB

Rip Off the Band-Aid

Don’t dance around the truth. Be kind, but leave absolutely no room for ambiguity when dropping the axe. Saying things like “Let’s take a break and see how we feel in a month” when what you really mean is “I’ve lost my ability to get hard for you” doesn’t do anybody any good.

Try to find some firm but thoughtful middle ground that expresses your desire to end things without making  you friend with benefits feel like a piece of shit.

Read: How to Deal with a Clingy Friend with Benefits

Use “I Feel” Statements

One way to avoid casting blame during a friends with benefits breakup is to use “I feel” statements. Try something like, “I feel that this is no longer working for me. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but it’s time for me to move on.”

She might ask for more information, at which point you can fill her in as much as you want. The key is to keep your explanation focused on your own internal processes and not what you think her issues are. Of course, let her respond with her own feelings, and listen attentively.

Stay Focused

Don’t deviate from your message. Even if emotions are running high, stay focused and committed to your needs. Remain calm and kind, acknowledging her feelings, but stand firm in your desire to call it quits.

If you both felt that your arrangement was 100% casual, she should feel a little disappointed. If she’s completely devastated and melting down, it could be because she has deeper feelings for you, which is just another reason to end things quickly and cleanly. Be prepared to lose her as a friend, at least temporarily. Don’t try to have it all.

Read: Dos and Don’ts for Hookups with Friends

Don’t Ghost Your FWB

I understand that some of you are getting the Hershey squirts just from reading this and are perhaps contemplating the less confrontational choice of a sudden and unexplained disappearance. This is called “ghosting” and it’s a terrible thing to do.

Be a decent human being and end your friends with benefits relationship properly. If you can’t do it face to face, at least send a well-crafted message saying all the things you would have said. Don’t do it over text, or through a third party like a scared little child. Have the guts to stand up for what you need in a firm but sensitive way.

And don’t forget, things go both ways: 4 Signs Your Friend with Benefits Wants Out

If you’ve broken things off with a FWB, let us know about it in the comments.

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