Does My Friend with Benefits Want More?

Q: Dear Tia. I met this girl a couple of months ago. We went out a few times and ended up having super hot sex, but we both agreed that we weren’t in the right place to get serious about anything. We continued hooking up though, and at first it was great. I’d stop by her place on my way home from work. We’d fuck, then order takeout, and watch a movie or something. I never stayed over, and we never texted or talked on the phone.

One night, after a crazy day at work, was too tired to see her so I just went straight home to bed. The next morning I woke up to a bunch of text messages, asking where I was, and if everything was okay. Her last text sounded like she was pissed, like I had somehow broken a rule I didn’t know we had.

I haven’t texted back or gone over to see her since then. I’m kind of tempted to delete her number, but I’m not sure because the sex was so good.

Why did she lose her shit? What should I do? We both agreed it was just casual. – Brad

A: I wasn’t a hundred percent clear from your letter, but if you had been going over there every night and then suddenly didn’t show up, it’s possible that your lady friend was legitimately worried about you. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

If you reach out to her to explain the situation and she’s still pissed, saying that you hurt her etc., then it’s possible she has deeper feelings for you and that perhaps this arrangement is not the best for either of you.

Even in casual relationships, it’s never a bad idea to give your partner a heads up if you’re not going to show. It’s the classy thing to do, and it doesn’t mean you want to marry her.

If you decide that you don’t want to see her again, you should tell her sooner than later. I don’t think ghosting is warranted here, as she’s not stalking you or being in any way abusive. (That is, unless she sent twenty or more texts that night.)

Just tell her the truth, that you were tired and didn’t think to call or text because that’s not something the two of you normally do. With any luck she’ll understand, and you can go back to your cozy arrangement. If not, I’m sure you can find yourself another Netflix and Chill buddy.

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