If you really want to impress the ladies, a dick pic is not the way. Last week I wrote a post about why unsolicited dick pics are not only undesirable but outright offensive.
Even if a few women do find them titillating, that’s not a sufficient enough reason to take your chances with the shotgun approach. Women who want to see a picture of your cock will ask you for one.
I can imagine that those of you who rely solely on your superior cuts of meat to make a first impression in your online dating endeavors are like, great. So I got nothin’. And it’s for you, fine sirs, that I write the following…
5 Things to Send a Lady In Leu of a Shaft Shot
Pictures of Your Entire Body. Doing Stuff. Out in The World.
Shocking, I know! The idea that a perspective date might want to see your face, smiling, while the rest of your body engages in something fun! It’s not like your dick doesn’t make its way into the shot at all. It’s still there, just concealed beneath a pair of pants. Think of it as an undercover dick pic. A stealthy picture of your penis, if you will, artistically framed by clothing and the world at large.
Pictures of Your Cat
Because who wouldn’t love that? If you’re going to send out unsolicited pics, they might as well be of something heartwarming and cute. Show the ladies your softer side. Just don’t follow it up with, “I showed you my pussy, now you have to show me yours.” While such an approach does illustrate that you have a razor sharp wit, it also proves that you’re a douche.
A Hand-Drawn Portrait
If I received one of these, I’d be so excited! Lets be clear, though. When I say portrait I’m referring to a picture of your FACE. A nicely drawn picture of your dick is still a picture of a dick, although if we were to rate dick pics in order of offensiveness, a hand-drawn one is probably at the bottom of the list. If you’re going to go that route, just be sure it’s nicely embellished and presented with artistic flare. (Hmmm… I quite enjoy writing about hand-drawn cocks.)
A Picture of a Unicorn Riding a Rainbow
If you’re going to get artistic, you might as well go all out. You can even name the unicorn, Dick if you want. That way you can still feel safe in the fact that you’re sending out a dick pick. Here’s my Dick riding a rainbow… Now, here he is eating some exotic flowers so to strengthen his magical powers. That would be creepy as fuck. I’m just trying to make the point that it’s okay to lighten things up a bit. Cock shots send a pretty intense message that isn’t always welcome.
Pictures of Your Feet
If it’s really important to you that the ladies get a sense of your massive cock, choose the path of subtlety and let them draw their own conclusions. Everybody knows about the relationship between the size of a man’s feet and his penis. Just make sure you’re not naked and fully erect at the time you take the picture, or your cock will make a cameo.