4 Ways to Build Anticipation before a Date

The Internet has made it pretty easy for us to get whatever we need, whenever we want it. That’s great when what we need is an Instant Pot or an Alexa TV remote. It’s not so great when we expect to find sexual chemistry on demand.

Real human connections take time, and while online dating has made it easier than ever to connect with people, it still behooves us to put some time and effort into building up the anticipation of actually meeting and hitting it off. Here are some suggestions for how to keep your online flirtations at a sexy, slow burn.

4 Tips for Building Anticipation before a Date

1. Approach Softly

If you’re used to coming on strong—like with an explicit message or a dick pic—try something more subtle. Favorite her profile, or send a casual no-pressure greeting, and see what happens. Part of the excitement of online dating is the buildup. Are they into me? Will the sparks fly when we meet? It can be fun to ponder the possibilities and leave a little room for mystery.

If you do decide to send her a message, be sure it’s focused on eliciting a reply. Ask her a question, or say something interesting that will draw her into the conversation. There’s no need to get sexual right away.

2. Let Her Come to You

You might discover—by cooling your approach—that things take longer to develop, but that’s okay. Have patience. Wait for her to ask for more, and to ultimately set the pace. There’s something so sexy about a guy who isn’t in a hurry to get laid. Let her know that she’s hot and that you look forward to hooking up with her when the time is right, then leave the rest up to her.

Flirt with her and keep expectations high, but hold back a little. It’s called playing it cool or hard to get, and it’s much more exciting than some desperate attempt to get into her pants.

3. Draw Things Out

If you’re texting, let her wait for your response. Don’t delay for so long that she starts to wonder if you’ve ghosted her, but give her the chance to look forward to hearing from you. When you start sexting, work in lots of virtual foreplay. Begin slowly, with just a suggestion of sexy things to come, then build it up incrementally over several days or even weeks.

If you’re into keeping routines, get in the habit of communicating at a certain time each day. This will really give the two of you something to look forward to. Just make sure to be consistent, otherwise she could get frustrated and move on.

4. Heat Things Up Remotely

Resist the urge to meet right away. Instead, make use of all the great, excitement-building technology we have on hand. I already mentioned texting—you can cover a lot of ground that way and really set the scene for hot times to come. There’s also phone sex which, let’s face it, has been eclipsed by the fancier, more immediately gratifying web cam.

Phone sex is still great, as it relies on imagination and creativity, and can serve as a tantalizing lead up to Skype-type sex. In essence, you want to stretch things out and really savor the experience of getting to know one another.

What ways can you think of to build anticipation online? Leave a comment.

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