Q: Dear Holly. My dating confidence is at an all-time low. I’ve never considered myself to be a Casanova with the ladies, but I thought I had a bit of game. Lately, I just don’t feel women look at me the same way. I know what I find sexy in women, but what do women find sexy about a man? Is it all about looks? I’d say I’m average looking. – Andrew
A: Dear Andrew. You hit the nail on the head in your first sentence. Confidence is key in attracting the ladies. Ever wonder why a lot of jerks still manage to get the girls? It’s because they think they’re awesome (even when they’re not!) and that confidence is attractive. Low self-esteem turns both sexes off, and if you don’t treat yourself well, others won’t either.
It sounds like you did have some dating confidence at one time, so you’re not starting from scratch. We all go through ups and downs, and a bad relationship is often the culprit. It’s taken me months after being dumped to remind myself how great a catch I am. And you’re right, it’s not all about looks. In fact, even a below average-looking guy can do very well with women, if he possesses a few other key qualities.
Confidence is king, but sense of humor is way up there. Women want to be around a man who can make her laugh, so don’t be shy about showing your silly side from a date. Brains and skills are also super sexy. A smart woman wants someone who can have an intelligent, meaningful conversation. What also impresses women are skills a man possesses and has learned through patience, persistence, and hard work. Me, I love me a handyman, even though I can fix most things myself. And lastly, authenticity is very hot. So many people try to be someone they’re not, but if you want to find a truly compatible partner, then just be yourself from the get-go.
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Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia