Casual Dating

What to Do Instead of Ghosting a Woman

Woman in Bed Reading on Phone

Lukewarm on a casual relationship? Made plans for a date or hookup online, but now you can’t be bothered?

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It can be tempting to just disappear without a trace. Why face the stress of explaining yourself, and who cares anyhow? She’ll figure it out. It’s casual, so you don’t owe anyone anything.

These are excuses.

It may feel like a lot less effort to just let threads disconnect and dissipate into the wind, but being ghosted can really hurt. If that doesn’t concern you, even though it should, ghosting someone hurts YOU too—it can screw up your reputation. Your conscience might even come back to haunt you later, even if you’re suppressing it now. Most of us do grow up after all, in time.

Recognize that no one in casual dating expects a major commitment, just a considerate goodbye.

Feelings might end up bigger than we planned—that’s always a risk of dating or sexual intimacy—but when that happens a woman knows that she found you on Hookup Now, not on Marriage and Babies Forever. She will deal with it however she needs to. It’s only fair that you treat her kindly and pay her the respect she deserves by telling her you’re moving on.

Understand that closure is important to women.

You might find it endearing or annoying—how women analyze everything to death. To you, it’s obvious. The chemistry just isn’t there, so there’s no need for an explanation. Or it was, but it’s gone.

You don’t owe your inner soul and all its workings to every girl you hook up with. It’s also true that the nitty-gritty truth could be more hurtful than not knowing—what woman wants to know she’s being cut loose because she gives bad blowjobs?

Even so, it’s a small courtesy to politely voice your change of course. Saying something simple and sweet, even if it’s not EXACTLY true, is just good manners.

A text I got recently is the kind of thing you’re gunning for. “Jamie, I enjoyed your company the last few weekends, thank you so much for that. I owe you the honesty of saying I met someone I have more in common with, but I’m wishing you all the best for the future.”

Remember, ghosting doesn’t leave a casual relationship open ended.

If you’re into the sex with a babe but simply keeping your options open to variety, there’s nothing to end. Don’t just disappear because you may be praying she’ll call you a few months down the road.

Say something like, “Last night was hot. I had a lot of fun. Hope we can connect again down the road.”

You see how that works? You’re telling her you’re finished for now, so she isn’t expecting your call this weekend. But it’s friendly and open ended. Perfect.

Ghosts don’t disappear into the ether. They develop monstrous reputations.

Women talk, and online dating communities are small. Although a hotter-than-hell cop named Kevin has invited me out, I’m well aware that he has treated women badly—that he used them and left them hanging. Now he misses out on this ride.

A quick and courteous phone call, however tricky, means you don’t have to stress over who hears about it. Your own reputation won’t show up to haunt you.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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