Hookup Help

Hookup Help: How to Avoid a Player Reputation

Man Surrounded with Women at Bar

Q: Dear Jenny. I’m a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and not even close to settling down. A lot of girls I hook up with want to date, but it’s not where I’m at. Eventually, I can see myself getting married but until then, I want to get as much experience as I can. I love exploring a new woman’s body and believe I’m becoming a very talented lover. Some women have told me that other people talk about me being a “player” and that I shouldn’t be flattered. I live in a small town. How can I avoid this kind of reputation and still have my fun? -Matt

A: Hi Matt. I wrote a post: “Confessions of a Female Player“, so I get where you’re coming from. Unfortunately women are often judged worse than men for enjoying the hookup culture we live in. I say as long as you explain to women what your intentions are before you have sex, they shouldn’t gossip. But… small town gossip is hard to avoid.

Here are a few tips that may help you avoid the bad rep many players get…

Use Online Dating Sites
To meet women online for hookups, choose dating sites that cater to casual sex. These niche sites don’t attract women who want to tie you down. When writing your profile, you can be as specific as you want when describing what you want: no- strings relationships.

Date Outside Your Scene
I’ve made the mistake of picking up men at my local bar, where people love to gossip. Dating friends of friends until the well runs dry is also inviting judgement. try going to new neighbourhoods and suburbs in your city to meet people that you’ll likely never run into after a fun hookup. Vacation sex is also great fun when you can find it!

Let Women Down Gently
Even when you are up front with a woman, and she agrees to a one night stand, it’s likely that feelings of some kind will develop. This may be because she’s had her eye on you for a while or that the sex was so mind blowing. Be a gentleman when you explain that a relationship is just not what you want in your life.

Try a Friend-with-Benefits
Hardcore players will meet the odd woman here and there who tempts them to go for another round. A friend you can call for amazing booty-call sex without strings is never something one should pass up. Of course, this is a tricky relationship that needs more discussion to avoid either one of you getting hurt or losing a friend.

Take a Dating Break
Whether you’re tired of the bad boy reputation you’ve attracted or you’ve had a string of not-so-great sexual experiences, it never hurts to take a break. You’ll gain clarity in the type of women you want to meet and play with, as well as recharge your dating batteries. I also find a break is a great time to focus on oneself by learning something new or delving deeper into your passions.

Have you ever had a reputation when it comes to your dating or sexual habits?

Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny

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