Just the Tips

How to Make a Hookup Natural

Couple Flirting at Gym

There are hundreds of millions of pages of advice out there already about how to meet people, either for love or for sex. To me, it’s really quite simple. The more you practice meeting women, or men, or whatever you’re into, the easier it will get. Here are a few ideas that can help you meet people, for love or even just for friendship.

4 Tips to Help You Meet People

1. Have a random conversation with a stranger every day. I tell people, especially those who are painfully shy, this all the time. The ones who follow my advice often find themselves getting more social. The ones who don’t continue to feel lonesome.

The point of random conversations is not to get dates, or even ask for a number. The point is to talk to someone, casually, and discover that you can have a normal conversation. Teaching yourself to have longer and longer chats with people is a way of self-training yourself to be more charming. If you’re a guy and you open up a conversation with a random gal every day for two months, you will very likely find yourself going on dates before you know it.

2. Don’t be creepy. If you start to talk to someone and they pull away, let them go. People who smile and open up to you when you approach them are probably game to chat. People who respond to you with hostility or fear should be left alone.

3. Location is everything. Approaching random people on the street can be creepy and aggressive. It is generally a bad idea. However, starting a random conversation with someone in a thrift shop (e.g., “Hey, is this the ugliest teapot you’ve ever seen, or what?”) or on the bus, or in an art gallery, or at a cocktail party while you’re both reaching for the brie, can be fine.  

It is also safe and harmless to chat with people working at counters, or in kiosks, where normal conversations can stretch out naturally. Turn and talk to a stranger behind you in a lineup at the bank. Keep it casual, and don’t act desperate.

4. You don’t just want lovers, you want friends. If you talk to someone and there’s no spark, it still helps to make friends with them. Friends can be rewarding in themselves, but also they have friends of their own and might recommend you, or try to set you up, even if they don’t think of themselves as a good match. Networking always helps.

There are a million ways to find hookups, but making yourself comfortable and casual in conversation with strangers is one of the best and sexiest things you can do to improve your chances.

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