Q: Dear Holly. I have a fantasy that I’d like to share with a woman but have been too afraid to. What I’d like to do is have sex in my garage while a little bonfire burns in the corner. I used to light fires like this with my teenage girlfriend, and I don’t know, the idea just gives me a boner for some reason. I know people are into way weirder things like electroshock or strap-ons, so do you think women would be totally freaked out if I mention this. – Kinky Guy
A: Dear Kinky Guy. Sharing your secret turn ons and fantasies with a new lover can cause a lot of anxiety. It’s normal to worry how someone will react… will they run away, or trump you with a wild request of their own! The unveiling of your sexual proclivities to a new partner is also an exciting adventure for many.
Personally, I don’t find your fantasy all that unusual. I think the idea brings back fond memories that you want to re-ignite, excuse the pun! Although, some women may find a camp site or cottage more romantic, and these settings would also be safer.
I don’t recommend bringing up your garage-fire fantasy or any other fetish you may have on a first date. If you hook up, that’s great, and if the sex is great, there’s likely going to be time ahead to divulge your desires. It often takes time to build the trust necessary to share what you really want or would like to try with someone new. And from my experience, it’s often difficult to tell from flirty online messages or even dates, where someone lies on the vanilla-kink spectrum.
If you really want to cut to the chase when it comes to meeting kinky compatible partners, think about checking out a niche dating site like BDSMdate.com. The members here don’t shy away from unconventional fantasies.
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia