Q: Dear Holly. I’m new to online dating, and I’m hoping it will be an easier way to meet women than hanging around in bars. I’m naturally dominant but not in an extreme way where I would want to hurt women. I’d like to meet a woman who is submissive and who likes the man to take charge. I’d also like to try bondage, spanking, and role plays. How do I go about this on a dating site? -Marc
A: Hi Marc. It takes a little bit of time to get the hang of the online dating world, but once you do, it’s a much more efficient way of meeting women. I’ve met my last three lovers online. One I dated long-term, the others were short-term flings. When you’re looking for something specific, dating sites can really help narrow your search.
Because more women than not are naturally submissive in the bedroom, you’ll have an easier time meeting a match. I just assume that the men I meet will be take charge and feel disappointed if I find out they are sexually submissive. Although it can be fun to switch roles from time to time.
You can try a dating site like OKcupid, but it’s best to mention your interest in kink in your profile or first message to women, if you really want to try these things. The only issue with a mainstream site like Cupid is that most people on there don’t seem to share their sexual proclivities or kinks, which means you may have to go on a few dates before you find out what they’re into.
If you’re just looking for casual sex, try a site like FindHookups.com where everyone is on the same page. The only drawback, is that many of these people may only want a one night stand, and how much can you really explore in one evening?
To meet experienced kinksters, check out BDSMdate.com where people aren’t shy about telling you if they’re submissive or dominant, or what kinds of activities turn them on. Bondage, spanking, and role playing are all on the menu at this niche dating site.
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia