Why Doesn’t She Want a Threesome?

Struggling with a girlfriend or wife who doesn’t like or want to have a threesome?

Understood—it’s one of your main fantasies. No guy in his right mind would turn down the chance to do two babes at once, am I right? In fact, you spend quite a bit of time trying to convince your dates and girlfriends to have a threesome.

Maybe you’ve been lucky in three-way love and have had your fair share. You had some hot nights in a ménage à trois, and it seemed pretty clear that both of your luscious ladies were into it.

So you’re a little confused when your date declined another encounter and asked to just keep the next hookup between the two of you. What gives?

What to Know When She Won’t have a Threesome

Lots of women love threesomes.

You might get the idea from your experience history that women have no interest in threesomes. But in fact, it is one of our top fantasies!

Just like you, we frequently imagine sidling into bed with two lovers, watching you make love to another woman, or taking it from both ends from two men.

Lots of us have tried a range of threesome experiences. Some of us enjoy them as a regular part of our sex life.

So why haven’t you met this woman???

Read: Tips for Single Men Looking for a Threesome

It ain’t you, babe…

It can be hard to swallow, but her reluctance to get down and dirty with you and her bestie could simply stem from the fact that a threesome isn’t something she wants with just anybody.

Every woman has a different selection process when it comes to sex. Rare birds are very selective and choose one for life. Others like me are not just polyamorous but also “promiscuous” and see a potential lover as “why not.” Sex is fun and I see beauty in all kinds.

Most are somewhere in between. Threesomes might be reserved for her horniest times. Or for when she’s aching for a particular woman. Or when she wants to drive a particular man out of his mind and take him to the limit.

Read: How to Ask Your Girlfriend for a Threesome

The threesome might be reserved for men she’s in love with, or has a long-term, trust-based relationship with. It might be for ultra hot guys only, or for men she meets on vacation in foreign countries, to avoid the complications of wives and exes that invariably come up in a home town.

Threesomes are bucket-list or special occasion sex, not everyday desires.

Just as likely for many women as you unfortunately not being THAT guy for her, is the fact that threesomes are not everyday sex.

She may not want a threesome because she’s already had a few.

The stereotype of women experimenting in college or after a divorce, hooking up with a bi-curious bestie and a hottie at the bar, is true for many of us. A threesome is wild, fun, and hot, but once some women try it out a few times, they’re good. She isn’t interested in pursuing that kind of play again. She’s been there, done that.

We are curious, and once we’ve indulged that curiosity, it can seem pointless to go through it again.

I understand that this doesn’t make sense to you guys—or to me, even. But a big driver of women’s sexuality is curiosity and experimentation and adventure. It’s like going to Paris or Havana—you don’t go there every weekend, but once or a few times in a lifetime. You don’t move there for good.

Read: Find Bisexual Women & Couples for Threesomes

A woman’s fantasy is separate from reality.

Just because a threesome is a regular fantasy of hers doesn’t mean she wants it at all in real time.

Threesome porn is fun and erotic, and in my head, I direct it exactly as I want it to play out. But real life is different. It takes effort, it’s awkward, there are emotions involved. There are outfits and taxis necessary, and periods, and bad chemistry, and STIs.

For a lot of women, having an ACTUAL threesome can take all the fun out of it!

If the idea of a threesome drives you around the bend but your date is not interested, find out if she’s into fantasizing about it with you. Dirty talk without expectation is very liberating and exciting for lots of women—and men.

Don’t you forget about me…

A really big reason women aren’t into real live threesomes is because guys seem to lose interest in one on one sex, or in sex with her, once that doorway is opened.

From her perspective and psychology, a threesome is something you do together for excitement, and then you’ve done it, and now you can get back to the hot hookups you were having or the nights of lovemaking and gazing into each other’s eyes.

But after a threesome, it can feel to us like you can barely get it up with just boring old naked me.

Once we “give in” it seems like you are thinking about the other woman or about both of us naked, and not grateful at all for the woman in front of you.

No one likes to be taken for granted, or to feel like you always want something wilder.

Maybe she relates best one on one.

On screen, group sex is a buzz and crescendo of leggy choreography and tip top scintillation.

In real life, you can be lonely in a crowd. Limbs can be awkward… and so can communication.

It might look hot but some people, including guys!!! sometimes find that it’s overstimulating. Too much going on to really focus and feel. So a threesome is sometimes better in theory.

Some of my girlfriends aren’t into a threesome because they prefer to be with a woman one on one, not to share me or feel like she is on display.

One prefers to make love to a man with all of his attention, and all of her attention on him.

Stop pestering dates for threesomes, and find the one who wants what you do!

If you’re constantly asking every hookup for a threesome, you’re getting annoying.

Be happy with what you get when it comes to dating and sex, without asking for the cherry on top.

Read: Do Threesome Dating Sites Really Work?

On the other hand, be on the lookout for the woman who does enjoy regular threesomes. Make a profile on a threesome site, or look at couples who want a third. Mention on your profile that one of the activities you enjoy is a MMF or FFM threesome. If the women who contact you are interested in this, they’ll mention it, and you don’t have to pester and wheedle the women who don’t.

What’s your experience with a wife or girlfriend and threesomes? Have you turned this fantasy into reality?