How to Ask for Consent: 4 Questions

We all know that consent is of the utmost importance when it comes to having sex, but what’s the best way to ask for it? Doesn’t it kill the mood and make a man sound weak when he asks for a woman’s permission to fuck her?

Absolutely not! Knowing how to ask for, and verify consent is something that every man (and woman) should learn.

Here are some simple questions you can ask to ensure that your partner is game for whatever sexual activity you’re initiating.

4 Questions to Verify Consent

1. Do you want to have sex?

This is the clearest, most direct question you can ask to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. If she says yes, you’re good to go. If she hesitates, or says something along the lines of “I want to, but I’m not feeling all that great,” the answer is NO.

Just to clarify, the only answer to this question that constitutes consent is an enthusiastic YES. (If she says nothing, but starts unbuckling your belt, you can count that as a yes as well.)

2. Do you like that?

Not only is it important to ask for consent before you start doing anything sexual with your partner, if there’s any question that she’s enjoying herself, you need to check in throughout.

I love it when a man asks me if I like what he’s doing to me in the heat of the moment. If said with the right tone, it can send me right over the edge. I think that’s because it’s both confident sounding and sensitive to my needs—a super-hot combination. If she tenses up, looks uncomfortable, or answers with anything other than yes, stop what you’re doing immediately.

3. What do you need?

Asking your partner what she needs is a great way to find out where her head is at. If she says she needs you to throw her on the bed and ravage her, you know you’ve got the green light. If, on the other hand, she says she needs you to slow down and focus more on foreplay, or says that she just wants to cuddle, listen and don’t try to persuade her to do anything more.

Some women find it hard to ask for what they want in bed. Many of us are conditioned to let our needs take a back seat. It’s important to be patient and to let her know that you care about her desires as much as your own.

4. Do you want me to keep going?

Have you ever been going hard at it when suddenly the vibe changes? She looks like she’s in pain, or stops responding to you physically? Whenever something happens to indicate that she might not be enjoying herself in the moment, ask if she wants you to keep going.

Maybe she needs to change positions, or you’re pounding her a bit too hard and a more tender approach is in order. Maybe she’s having regrets and no longer feels good and safe about engaging in sex with you. Remember that consent is ongoing. Just because she agreed to fuck you, doesn’t mean she’s locked in until you blow your load.

What questions would you add to this? Please share in the comments!