If you’re hooking up with someone on a super casual basis, does it really matter if they’re seeing other people at the same time? I’m of the opinion that if you haven’t had the conversation in which you decide that you’re going to be exclusive, it’s really none of your business what your hook-up partner does in her spare time.
But we’re all human, and it can be tempting to want to know where we stand. Obviously the best way to know is to just ask. If that feels too intimidating, here are some signs that might indicate that you’re not her one and only.
She’s Rarely Available
Sure she could have a super demanding work schedule, or lots of hobbies and responsibilities to keep her busy, but if she shows up in your life infrequently with no room to reschedule, and she doesn’t have any of the above things going on, there’s a chance she’s seeing other guys.
This is especially true if at one point she had plenty of time to fit you in, but now she doesn’t.
She Suddenly Wants to Play It By Ear
“Let’s play it by ear” is pretty much the death knell of any long-standing, friends-with-benefits arrangement. If you’ve been hooking up once a week for six months and she suddenly wants to just leave things open, she’s either lost interest in your arrangement, or she’s getting boned by somebody else.
Other possible explanations: she’s in love with you and doesn’t know how to deal with it, her life has gotten complicated in other ways, or she’s thinking of joining the witness-protection program.
Her Phone is Blowing Up, but She Doesn’t Check It in Your Presence
Maybe she’s polite and doesn’t want to divide her attention between you and whoever’s trying to reach her, though chances are that’s not the case.
If you’ve been hooking up for a while now and she’s suddenly become protective of her phone, or you notice that she doesn’t respond to your texts when once she did, she likely has another guy on the go.
There Are New Additions to The Toy Box
We’re not talking dildos and vibrators—they can be enjoyed solo—but things like handcuffs, ball gags, spreader bars. Anything outside the bounds of what the two of you have been known to engage with may point to the presence of another sexual partner.
Of course, she might have recently read Fifty Shades of Grey and is trying to find a way to broach the subject of kinky sex with you. But who are we kidding? She’s fucking someone else.
Your Gut Tells You So
Never underestimate the power of your intuition in alerting you to the presence of another guy on the scene. Sure, you could be insecure and primed for disappointment, but more likely than not, you’re tuned into subtle cues that tell you that you’re not the only rooster in the hen house.
I’m not suggesting that you make drastic changes to your arrangement based on a hunch, only that you should consider these feelings a warning that things might not be as cozy as you thought they were.