It’s happened to many of us. We’re enjoying a date with someone we find attractive, only to find out they’re married. Or maybe we already know it, but that didn’t stop us from wanting their attention and fantasizing about steamy sex.
There are online dating sites that are exclusive to married people having affairs. For these members, forbidden fruit is hot as hell and sneaking around feels exciting and dangerous.
Some men think she’s going to fuck somebody, so why not you? And some think it’s just sex, and there won’t be complications like emotional attachment. If her marriage falls apart, is it really your fault?
Should You Date a Married Woman?
Think carefully about your values and boundaries.
The values you embrace and the boundaries you have constructed for yourself exist for a reason. They are manifestations of what you believe at your core. Betraying them could potentially be more explosive than any fallout or drama arising from her side of the story.
If your values and boundaries reflect a deep-seated belief that we are all independent actors and so it’s up to her, proceeding to have an affair with a married woman might be in the cards.
Your values might be about being nonjudgmental. You don’t know her story or why she’s looking for attention and sex, and you don’t judge people by the way society defines sins.
On the other hand, if you’re committed to dating people who are honest with their lovers, or steering clear of emotional drama, don’t get involved.
Consider all the outcomes carefully before you proceed.
If she’s unhappy because her partner is abusive, you might think she needs a little something something from a cute friend. But what if your attention leads to her getting hurt?
What if it leads to YOU getting hurt? If she’s coming on hard out of nowhere, you may have been thanking your lucky stars—but just as men can be jerks, women sometimes prowl for sex with ulterior motives or for revenge on someone else. You probably don’t want to be in the middle of that.
Ask yourself what your real motives are.
It might seem obvious to you that the motive is sex with a woman you think is hot. And that might be all there is to it.
But lots of us set ourselves up for failure or punish ourselves in some way—our private psychological drama plays out in how we find partners and how we fuck.
I had a girlfriend who had been dating a married man for years. Before that, she got involved with a couple that she knew was moving out of the country at the end of the summer. Then she would complain that no one wanted to stay with her. It was clear that she was dating people who couldn’t prioritize her, so that she could always blame the circumstance or the others.
Is there a deeper reason why you want to date someone you can’t have? Maybe not, but it’s worth thinking through.
Find out if she’s polyamorous or in an open relationship.
Lots of married people have a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy, and lots are polyamorous or are in an open relationship. So don’t assume that a married woman is doing something wrong or cheating. You can always ask to find out more.
Do you have experience with married women? Please share in the comments!