Advice on Making the First Move

For some guys, making the first move can feel completely terrifying. I’ve talked to friends who say that the prospect of being turned down has a kind of paralyzing effect on them and that their fears keep them from going after what they want.

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Many men are convinced that making the first move is a really complicated thing, and that women are expecting an over the top approach. But really, it’s very simple. Just follow these suggestions and you’ll be fine.

Be Brave

If you’ve decided to approach a woman, do it! Don’t circle her several times, or have your buddies approach her for you. She wants to see that you’re confident in yourself and in your attraction to her. Part of that involves putting yourself out there, even if you’re not sure of how things will turn out.

Take the chance! Show her that your ego can withstand a potential hit. If you know for sure that it can’t, maybe think of waiting a bit before plunging into the dating pool. Putting yourself out there requires some vulnerability and strength. Be ready to jump in  fully with no regrets.

Be Clear

Don’t try to be all cute by making the object of your desire wonder if you want her or not. If you want to ask her out, do so clearly. Mixed messages are extremely irritating. It’s simple. Say something like, “Would you like to go to dinner with me?”

I once had a guy ask me out by saying, “I’ll be at such-and-such a bar around 9 and wouldn’t be horrified if you showed up.” That kind of cutesy neg-theory bullshit is so overplayed, guys. There’s absolutely no need to mix your compliments with insults. Believe it or not, we ladies are not all self-loathing, and we can handle your praise at full strength.

Be Ready with a Plan

Once you’ve made your move, be ready to follow things up with a date-night suggestion. Try not to leave things just hanging in the air because that can feel awkward, and there will be no natural follow up. Have a bit of a conversation to discover what the two of you have in common and might enjoy doing together.

If you’ve known this person for a while already, it’s obviously easier to figure out a plan, but it doesn’t take a lot of effort to engage in a bit of back and forth. If she suggests something, that’s great too, but it’s always best to be prepared just in case. In a pinch, coffee or dinner is good but it isn’t very original.

Don’t Worry if Things Don’t Go as Desired

It’s totally expected that sometimes you’ll put yourself out there and it won’t go very well. It happens to all of us. Don’t let that discourage you from putting yourself out there again. It all comes back to that bravery I talked about earlier. You have to develop a certain strength within yourself to handle the potential rejection that accompanies dating attempts.

We all have to develop that strength, men and women alike. Some of my guy friends seem to feel that women never have to deal with being turned down and it’s just not true! We are all in this together.

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