5 Behaviors that Put You on Her Blacklist

Every woman has a blacklist. She may call it something else, but it’s there in her mind—or her journal!

So, what’s a blacklist, you ask. It’s a list of men she considers douchebags, scum, cads, losers—all unworthy of her time and energy. You likely won’t land on it if you show respect in whatever kind of connection you have or have had, whether it be a friends-with-benefits arrangement, a one night stand, or something more serious.

It takes a special class of jerk to find yourself on a blacklist. Not only have I shut the door on these guys, but the locks are in place—no matter how many times these dudes text or call or email or message, I will never respond. And most women share these lists, so friends don’t make the same mistake.

So, what behaviors will garner you a spot on her blacklist? I’ll share five that pertain to guys on my list.

5 Blacklist Behaviors

1. Stalking

I broke up with a guy after four months because it never felt like a great fit. He started leaving weird letters in my mailbox, and things I’d given him while together. He called me at all hours, drunk, calling me a slut and other insults. This went on for months. Then one night he was lurking outside a class he knew I went to, and that’s when I called the cops because I didn’t feel safe anymore. That was the worst, but it put an end to the harassment.

2. Cheating

I’ve been cheated on many times, but it doesn’t always guarantee a spot on my list. It’s what goes along with it, and whether it was a one-time thing that might be forgiven, or a pattern that a man ends up lying about when confronted. If you can’t be faithful, stay out of monogamous relationships and stick to casual dating. Or maybe the polyamory lifestyle is for you.

3. Stealing

This was an experience I had with a roommate. He was awful with women, and even asked me to lie on occasion because he was juggling multiple women who each thought they were the only one. He also paid rent late every month. And if all that wasn’t bad enough, things of mine went missing after I kicked him out—jewelry that he’d stolen to give to his girlfriends.

4. Lying

I’ve lost count of all the lies I’ve been told by previous boyfriends. Little white lies are usually okay—we all do it—but the ones associated with cheating and other trust-based issues get tiresome. The unforgivable ones are the bold-faced lies told to your face when you have straight-up proof.

5. Gaslighting

I had a guy I was seeing for about six months. Before dating, we were friends for seven years wherein I’d never seen this kind of behavior. He would go into rages over small things, storm out, and leave me wondering what the hell happened. Then he would give me the silent treatment—a horrible form of emotional abuse—for days or more. When this became an apparent pattern, I was out.

All of these men whose bad behavior ended our relationships have come around after the fact. Sometimes shortly after, sometimes ten years later! And not one has ever apologized for their bad behavior. In the past, I would sometimes talk to them. But through experience, I now know when to close that door and deadbolt it twice. It’s about safety and protecting one’s mental health.