I like to think the best of people and assume that whatever dumb thing they say or do comes from a place of genuine ignorance, not from the desire to hurt anyone. Sometimes I’m wrong and I have to face the fact that someone I thought was well-intentioned is really just an asshole.
Where do you fit in? Do you act in the following ways because you don’t know any better, or are you simply a jerk who likes to make women feel bad about themselves? No matter what your position on the ignoramus-asshole spectrum, this post is for you!
You Compare Her to Other Women
Comparisons can be obvious: “You’ve got more junk in the trunk than other women I’ve boned.” They can be subtle: “You sure can eat!” But in all cases, they create an air of criticism that can chip away at your date’s self-esteem.
Some guys—and I’ve gone out with a few—seem to think that in order to keep the vibe light and casual, they need to fill the air with comparisons and teasing insults. It’s right up there with pulling a girl’s pigtails in the playground, and it doesn’t ingratiate you to anyone.
You Comment on Her Grooming Habits
Any time you feel obliged to comment on your date’s body hair, or the state of her vaginal flora, or really anything else related to her body and its natural processes, DON’T! If she wanted a bald vagina, she’d shave it! If she thought she smelled off down there, she’d take care of it!
Just because you’re not turned on by her particular combination of sights and smells doesn’t mean she’s gross. Let her down easy, move on, and make way for other guys who will appreciate her just the way she is. I guarantee she doesn’t need your advice on how to be more desirable.
You Imply that Your Desire Is Conditional
One of my proudest anti-body-shaming moments happened in a private message with this guy I had only just met online. He asked me about my body type (my profile picture was just a head shot). I told him that I was twenty pounds overweight, and he replied, “A few extra pounds in the right places can be sexy.” I shot back with, “Ah! So you’re a chin and gut man!” (This was my way of determining if he was worth my time.) I never heard from him again, so I guess he wasn’t!
If he had simply left it at, “A few extra pounds can be sexy”, I would have felt more willing to play along, but his added condition of “in the right places” shut it right down for me. Guys, please stop ranking women’s fat deposits—it’s gross and controlling.
You Recoil when She’s on Her Period
I’m a firm believer that to earn your place in a woman’s vagina, you need to accept it in all its blood-gushing glory. I’m not saying that you need to surf the red wave, but at least make it known that you support your girlfriend in her struggles to shed the lining of her uterus. Don’t say things like, “You must be on the rag” when she’s in a bad mood, and don’t recoil in horror if she bleeds on your sheets—it happens.
If you want to be a really supportive guy, keep some tampons and pads tucked away at your place and maybe a heating pad, for those times when her period sneaks up on her. Let her know you care and that you’ve got her back.