Hooking Up with Married Women: I’m Done!

Woman Leaving Man in Bed

Yikes. This one’s tricky.

For anyone out there who might have serious issues regarding sex with a married woman, I better come clean right away and confess that I’ve done it. More than once. But I don’t do it anymore. Not so much for moral reasons, though (we all live by our own moral code).

The first time I slept with a married woman I was as anxious as a coffee bean. Of course the very fact that she was having an affair heightened the sex to awesome effect, but I did have slight pangs of regret in the morning. My (now ex) friend said, “Who cares. I have sex with married women all the time. It’s not my fault their husbands aren’t satisfying them.” It seemed to make sense. I came to overlook wedding rings. When I met a woman I really dug, and subsequently discovered she was married, I’d carry on with a fine-with-me attitude.

This lasted for a couple of years, until I noticed an unpleasant pattern. These married women, attractive to me in every way (remember, I would ignore the fact that they were married…), would ultimately—ironically—break my heart. They were usually looking for an escape from their marriage, but not a permanent one. It was their chance to “feel special again”, or whatever. Then one day they wake up and send you a carefully-crafted, loving email telling you the affair is over, the relationship with the husband deserves another chance, and please don’t contact me again.

None of this would have been sad had I been dating these women because they were married. But I wasn’t. They were smart, fun, funny—every quality I’d want to find in any woman. To be instantly cut off in order to save the marriage was a shitty deal for me, but what recourse did I have? Each time, I was left feeling like I alone was a dirty villain. Mark my words: you don’t wanna feel like this.

Now when I meet a woman for whom I fall head over heels I immediately check her marital status. Is that a ring? If so, it’s asta la-bye-bye.

As far as I’m concerned, people who are looking for extra-marital affairs should stick to dating other people who are looking for extra-marital affairs.

Or they can call my ex-friend with the terrible advice.

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