Q: Dear Jenny. I’ve been dating a woman who I met on a dating site two months ago. She’s beautiful, funny and smart. It’s all good, except that I’ve never been to her place. We always go out for dinner or something fun, and then end up staying at a hotel. She has a teenager living at home, and says she’s just not ready to introduce me to him. The hotels are fine, but I have to admit, it’s getting a bit pricey. I don’t bring her back to my place because I’ve got two roommates who are slobs. Is it reasonable to insist on staying at her place or at least seeing it. I’m getting a bit suspicious. -David
A: Hi David. It sounds like you and your gal may want different things. You, a relationship. Her, sex. That’s just the feeling I get from the information you’ve provided. It’s time for you to have a serious talk to tell her exactly how you feel and express what you want. If she isn’t on the same page, you have two options. One, realize you have a friend with benefits and continue to enjoy that without expectation, or move on to find someone you can be in an actual girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
If you do continue to see each other, in whatever capacity, it’s not unfair to ask her to pay half at the hotel. Or you could always get your place in shape for having women over. Maybe she’s suspicious of your situation. Also, it’s a big turn off to women when you don’t have a clean apartment.
Meeting someone online, you really do have to take them at their word, but many people use dating sites to have relationships outside of relationships. Maybe she’s married or living with someone. I don’t mean to be a downer, but that would explain some of her behaviour and reluctance. Have the talk, and go from. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to see her place, not necessarily to stay over but to at least see what’s what.
Best of luck, David!
Readers: Have you been in this situation?
Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Jenny
Tell us what you think