Post-Hookup Guy Talk

What Guys (Don’t) Talk About When They Talk About Sex

To all you guys out there reading this, allow me to assure you off-the-bat that I have no intention of unveiling any of our most sacred secrets.

To women I say this: as if I’m going to tell you what we really talk about!

Here’s the thing – it’s a lose-lose situation and all parties know it. Nature has designed and ensured an unspoken solidarity both amongst women and amongst men. If I were to cross that line now, I’d be lynched. By women and men.

But I am prepared to share what we don’t discuss when we talk about sex – which in itself is likely to get me into trouble.

1) Were you to be a fly on the wall at Boys’ Night, you’d never hear a word uttered about an expected standard of afterglow.

2) I doubt you’d hear much about a longing for more foreplay, either.

3) “I don’t really want to invite another girl into the bed with us.” You’ll die waiting to hear that one.

4) We never, ever, use the F-word. (N-no, not that F-word, of course we use that F-word; it’s the other F-word we avoid: f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s.)

I really should stop here. If you want to know any more, you’ll have to resort to either covert action or find yourself a traitor.

But allow me to acknowledge here and now there are, indeed, emotional elements to sex; but guys never talk to each other about them. We know women will eventually make us discuss our feelings, so why on earth would we ever spoil Boys’ Night with it?

Despite what you might read in Cosmo, women must remember there is nothing – nothing – men hate discussing more than the emotions surrounding the almighty shag. So we beg you: please don’t make us open up before, during, or at least 48 hours after sex.

Long Live the Ladies!

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