Everyone has a code when it comes to dating. It’s your personal value system that tells you something is okay or it isn’t. Most men will say it’s never cool to date a buddy’s ex, but is that set in stone?
Crack the Bro Code
Most people people always say that it isn’t good to get involved with someone a friend has dated because there is too much emotional confusion and complications. Friendships can be lost, and bitter feelings can last a lifetime. The truth is, though, that once you get past the monolithic primitiveness of it all, there are many ways, and many occasions when it can work.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
A worst case scenario would be that it’s obvious to you that the woman your friend is dating is a lot better suited to you. Maybe she knows this, as well, but for whatever reason she chose him over you in the first place. Maybe she didn’t fully know you were on the scene, or maybe you weren’t single at the time.
Intervening in any way to break them up could be destructive. Even if your friend is in on to the fact that he is a lousy match for this lady, things still have to play out in a delicate way.
Communicate with Respect
Your friendship has a better chance of surviving if you try to reason with this friend. Let’s say you and an ex of his have started hanging out, and sparks are flying. You want to get things happening, but your buddy (her ex) is floating over the conjugal bed, a jealous specter.
Talk to him. Check in with his feelings. Let him know this is happening, and you need to know if he is cool with it. Once he knows it’s going to happen and has signed off, the relationship is no longer his problem. You own that now.
Be Honest with Yourself
You have to gauge how important the relationship between your buddy and this woman was. If the breakup was incredibly ugly, if he suffered heartache for months after, you might consider not inserting your dick into that situation. If he really didn’t care about her, then he probably won’t care now.
Emotions can change, and people can have feelings they didn’t know they had. Still, this lady might be the one for you, and you have to weigh that too. Your connection to her might be a lifelong one, and this buddy, ultimately, may not be as significant as that.
But if you don’t have a stomach for sexual politics, if you aren’t routinely used to engaging with others intimately and honestly, you probably shouldn’t play this game. It’s risky, and even when you feel confident, the complexities of other people’s emotions will often surprise you. If it’s just casual sex you want, I recommend using online dating—no fuss, no muss!
What’s your bro code? Would you ever break it?
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