I’ll never forget my first time in a sex club. I was so excited, the line was so long on a cold February night. I wasn’t sure I was going to get in, and I was nervous and overthinking everything. But I truly wanted the dream to come true, and before I knew it, I was in the door. BOOM!
I had a positive attitude going in. If you are nice to others, they will almost always be nice to you. If nothing else, they will be neutral while sharing space with you in a pleasant place, which isn’t a rejection. But if you DO get a rejection, it’s nice to practice hearing the truth and realizing it’s no big deal because 1) it’s always nice to hear someone’s truth, 2) no one in the world is going to have sex with everyone, 3) it might just mean “not right now” instead of “never,” and 4) there’s ALWAYS more to learn, love, live and experience at a sex club.
I remember the first person I successfully talked to, then kissed, and then had oral sex fun with. She had black-rimmed glasses and curly black hair. What a cutie. Anyways, we had to go to the VIP room for the privacy we deserved because the place was so loud and raucous that night.
Let me share some tips for all you sex club virgins out there!
5 Tips for Your First Time at a Sex Club
1. Introduce Yourself
Start slow with baby steps. Be polite enough to reciprocate the manners that the person you’re talking to is projecting, and don’t treat it too different than any other social atmosphere where you are meeting someone for the first time. A basic introduction is a nice thing, whether you’re dressed to the nines at a cocktail event or standing buck naked at the bar in a sex club!
You may never learn more than their name, and you may even forget it by the end of the night. But at least ask for their name. This may evolve to eye fucking to literal fucking one day… but for now start slow, grasshopper!
2. Ask for Your Sexual Desires
This is the second lesson to learn, and it may cause some nerves, but there’s no reason why you should hold back here. This isn’t work, school, or church! It’s the ONE place where you’re allowed to ask for these things!
“Say it with your chest!” as the kids say. It doesn’t mean it will happen, but most things won’t happen in a sex club unless you ask for them, or someone asks for you! “Closed mouths don’t get fed… or fucked!” Ha ha. But be polite. Ask in the midst of a conversation, please. Don’t just ask for a blowjob—it’s greedy.
3. Use Condoms
First time in a sex club? Use condoms. Profusely! They are freeeeeeee. Use them on your toys, too. Take some home if you want. But know where to get condoms, lube, fresh towels, water. And where the bathrooms are—you may have to go there to help a friend, or take a time out and look in the mirror because you need to slow the fuck down and catch your breath cause you just had the best orgy of your life… so far.
And you don’t have to worry about STIs from strangers in a sex club: BECAUSE YOU WORE CONDOMS!
4. Ask for Help when Needed
There are security guards and other guests like yourself who are just watching, who are not participating, who you can ask for help if you need it. Strangers are often known to protect each other in emergencies in paradise!
The front desk is often the best place to go in case you need a breather or lose your wallet or something else bad happens, so make sure you are oriented enough to know how to get there on your own, or you know how to find someone who can bring you there. Better to have the safety escape and not need it, than need it and not have it.
5. Practice Absolute Discretion
As you wash your body in the shower at the end of the night and reflect on the amazing time you had at the sex club for the first time… what you are NOT going to do, is think about ALL the people you are going to tell at work on Monday morning… not unless you work in a sex club or some place that is EXTREMELY sex-positive! Keep it a sweet secret, my friend!
There is usually some kind of mature conversation between you and the people you had fun with about everyone’s levels of discretion, privacy and secrecy. If it’s something they NEVER want to discuss again, and they don’t tell you their real name or any life details, then that’s that and what happens in the sex club STAYS in the sex club.
Some people are a little more liberal and don’t mind juicy gossip to a FEW trusted close friends. But get permission first and be honorable about the stories you share. I have nothing but praise for the people I’ve loved and liked in sex clubs. But mostly, I don’t say a thing—I just reminisce fondly… and think of the next time I’m going.
See you there!
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart