Open Relationships vs. Casual Sex

Poly, Or Just Really Horny?

A friend of mine told me she thinks she must be a candidate for a polyamorous lifestyle. When asked why, she replied that all she wants to do is fuck everyone in sight, despite the fact that she has a boyfriend.

Is that what makes someone poly, she wondered? Or was she just a nymphomaniac? Or a swinger? Or an adulteress? I checked in with a poly friend of mine and asked her opinion. In case you’re wondering where you might fit in, here’s what she had to say:

“There are no “rules” or hard boundaries to these labels. We should be comfortable living in our chosen lifestyle. But the basic distinction (according to my poly friend) is that polys have a primary partner, but also a deep meaningful relationship with a secondary partner (there could even be more). What’s critical is the honesty factor. These partners all know about each other, have some sort of relationship with each other, and are attracted to more than just a one-night-stand. They’re long-term, committed.”

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All that isn’t to say being a plain old nympho is wrong. Far from it. Polys can be nymphos, too. Anyone can be a nympho! But according to what lifestyle will you approach it?

Swingers will generally have open relationships, but what they get on the side won’t necessarily be with a regular hookup. One-night-stands can fit the bill. Once again, live how you feel most comfortable.

It’s the cheating that gets icky. If you’re in a relationship and choosing to sleep around, you’re doing damage, you’re hurting others with your dishonesty. Those sexy short-term gains will likely come back to haunt you in a really bad way.

If fucking-up-a-storm with many different people is your thing, why not take the time beforehand to consider the lifestyle that might best suit you? You can even experiment for a while. But if you’re in a relationship, you need to be open about how you feel. Maybe your partner is similarly interested, maybe not. Either way, keep your inner-nympho in-check until you have clearance.

Maybe you need to be single for a while, while you play the field. Talk to others who live within these lifestyles. Learn all you can.

But don’t hurt anyone. Your honesty is critical. And once you find what’s right for you, the sex will be better than ever.

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