What to Do If You’re Falling for a Hookup

You try to deny your feelings, and when that no longer works, you try to minimize them. But sooner or later, those feelings you’re harboring for your fuck buddy will need to be acknowledged.

I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve spent many months of my life trying to hide feelings from one lover or another for fear of being rejected, and it always hurt me more in the end.

Express Your Feelings (or Not!)

If you’re a secure person who values emotional honesty above all else, by all means, put it out there. Just be prepared for the possibility of rejection. In a perfect world, everyone’s feelings develop along parallel lines, but in the world of casual sex, it can get messy and complex.

I’m not suggesting that you should ghost your fuck buddy if you’re feeling too vulnerable to explain yourself. That’s a terrible thing to do, but there’s nothing wrong with just saying that it’s not working out. You don’t owe anyone a deeper explanation than that.

Don’t Try to Be Friends

Worst idea ever. Sure, it might seem like a less painful alternative to cutting all ties and going cold turkey, but it’s not. Even if you don’t realize it now, your heart will hold out hope that someday this friend of yours is going to look at you and realize that you’re the one they’ve wanted all along.

Our subconscious brains do crazy things to keep the dream of love alive, including engaging in ill-fated and toxic friendships. Do you like getting your chest kicked in? Because that’s what it will feel like every time you see your fuck-buddy-turned-friend fuck somebody new.

Do Some Soul Searching

I know, nobody likes to take time out from getting their dick sucked to engage in deep psychological self-analysis, but maybe that’s just what you need. Have you convinced yourself that you’re only looking for casual sex, when your heart and mind is wanting more?

If you’re looking for a deeper connection, no amount of mindless fucking will make you feel better, and you’ll find yourself growing attached to people against your will. It’s complicated, and sometimes painful, but if you keep finding yourself in these situations, it might ultimately be easier to face the truth and find someone who wants the same things you do.

Don’t Feel Ashamed

Unrequited feelings are not indicative of your worth. You’re not weak or undesirable, you’re not some pathetic person who will forever pine for what you can’t have. You’re just a person who took a risk that didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to. That’s all.

Try not to wallow for too long. Talk it out with your friends. Make art or music if that’s your thing. Don’t let this make you feel like a freak, because if anything, it proves that you’re just like every other living, feeling person in this world. Everybody gets their heart broken if they’re using it well.