Just the Tips

Finding Lovers for Your Newly Opened Relationship

Dinner Party for Three

Many marriages become stale after years of being together, being in a routine, especially on the sexual front. While many couples opt for divorce and a clean break, more and more men and women are switching gears by opening up their relationship to new partners. Sometimes they look for a third to enjoy threesomes with, but often it’s for a secondary relationship for one primary partner or both.

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Becoming polyamorous is something you will want to discuss long and hard with your current partner to understand why you are changing the rules and what rules will exist when it comes to sharing each other.

Tips to Help You Find New Lovers

Explore niche dating sites. Although you can find all kinds of people living a variety of lifestyles on all kinds of dating sites, I recommend polycentric sites like PolyamoryDate.com or CouplesDating.com to meet other couples who you could ask questions about polyamory, and to find singles who are looking for couples to join for groups sex or as a secondary partner.

Write a specific dating profile. Browse profiles to see how other couple do it (some write profiles together to let daters know them as a couple, but also as individuals. If you only want a secondary partner or lovers for one of you, write separate profiles. Be honest and up front about your situation, rather than wait to tell people in messages.

Talk extensively about expectations and feelings. Before you start messaging the first cute guy or gal you see, talk openly about what you hope to get out of changing the nature of your relationship. Is it just about sex, or are romantic feelings something you want in a new relationship? Are you both open to longer, more meaningful connections with new people?

Set boundaries and limits. This might be just about sexual proclivities and preferences, or it might be around the nature of your secondary relationships. Discuss all your feelings about sharing your partner, whether that’s jealousy or anxiety, and whether or not your partner wants to hear or talk about outside relationships and hookups.

Choose together. Some couples love looking for potential partners together, and this makes sense, considering they know you better than anyone. Even if your partner wants a secondary relationship that doesn’t involve threesomes or other group encounters with you, she’ll likely want your input or help with finding someone you think would be a good fit or someone you aren’t threatened by.

Talk before and after dates and sexual experiences. While maintaining respect and confidentiality for any thirds you do begin relations with, keep an open dialogue with your partner about how things are going. Does it feel like the right thing? Did you feel like you were cheating emotionally, even though you had your partner’s blessing. Is opening up your relationship bringing you and your partner closer, or creating more problems?

Are you in an open relationship? What makes it work for you? Please share in the comments.

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