Threesomes with your partner and a friend (in particular, one of hers) has all the makings of an unnatural disaster. Chances are:
A) Because you already know each other under less intimate circumstances—say, BBQs, nights out at the movies, whatever you get up to in your funtime—it’s bound to feel a little weird when the clothes come off, and…
B) More importantly, an orgasm is never worth the risk of subsequent head-bashing jealousy.
That doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
If your partner insists on one of her friends being the 3rd party (likely because it makes her feel “safe”—which, don’t get me wrong, is not to be discounted), then much intellectual honesty must be applied:
Is your partner actually prepared to carry out this fantasy, or is it just a fantasy? Many women fantasize about group sex, but wouldn’t actually do it. That’s worth discussing thoroughly before making any phone calls.
Do you know for a fact that the potential candidate-friend has had a 3-some before? That would certainly work in your favor. Consider anything you know about his/her sex-life that might suggest he/she would be into it… or not.
Is the potential candidate (should you not know his/her previous 3-some status) comfortable and open enough about sexuality that a 3-some might come naturally? It’s often obvious, especially if it’s a close friend.
What if the candidate’s reaction to the proposal is one of utter shock and disapproval? That’s one big elephant you’ve unleashed into the room. How will you navigate that awkwardness? Ever think about that? You should.
Here’s The Biggie: are you prepared to lose a friendship (or, dare I suggest, a partner) over this? Because that’s the risk. Some people can’t subsequently compartmentalize the 3-some from the real-world relationships. Jealousy ensues; emotional complication rips hearts to shreds.
If you don’t answer these questions honestly, you’re setting yourself up for ugliness.
My advice? There’s an easier (read: less political, less relationship-destructing) way to have group sex. If you’re looking to experiment, go online and create a “Couple Looking for Third” profile. These things are best kept at a safe distance from those with whom you carpool.
Besides, having a designated non-friend 3rd plays more into the fantasy element. The sex will be better, and you’ll be kept awake by hot flashbacks rather than regret.
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