Who Wants a Group?
If you and yours are regular groupers, I have nothing more to say other than you rock. Keep up the good work. But if you’ve never done it before and are considering it, here’s a 101 on swinging.
First, know this: despite how common it is for many people to have groupsex fantasies, in reality it isn’t for everyone. For some folks, the deed is best left forever in the imagination. So don’t rush into anything until you’ve thought it through.
There are three main issues on the table: jealousy, awkwardness, and level-of-comfort.
It’s a hard truth that unexpected “connections” are made during group sex. Maybe you notice your partner is really getting it on with someone who isn’t you. It can be hard for some to witness, and jealousy can pang the heart. The connection is likely no more than the experience of something new and intense—that is, the exact thing you and yours may have been looking for in the first place—but if you’re not used to it, and can only see it as some sort of unfaithfulness, then grouping probably shouldn’t be on your playlist. Sorry.
Ah, and the awkwardness of it all. It can be tough enough breaking the ice with any new partner, let alone another couple, especially in a new (for you) and unconventional (for some) scenario. You’re about to make happen something that before only manifested itself in your brain while you were masturbating—of course it can be awkward! There are two simple approaches to this. Get started by making out with your own partner, in front of the other couple. It warms you up in a way that you’re used to, and allows for a gradual inclusion of whomever else is there. Secondly, as much as it pains me to make this claim, it’s SO true: never underestimate the calming power of a glass of wine or a bit of a doob beforehand. If it’s your first time grouping, you’ll have plenty enough to focus on without the added hindrance of anxiety.
Feeling comfortable can’t be completely guaranteed (in the same way you’ll have the jitters while waiting in the wings before stepping on stage, nerves can be a good thing), but there are steps you can take. Who says you and your partner aren’t entitled to “interview” prospective couples? It’s totally within your rights to do so. If “interviewing” extensively is what it takes, then do it. It’s your sex, you’re the boss. The more you can “connect” with your fellow groupers, the more comfortable you’ll be. Find out about their experiences and interests. And don’t feel it’s uncouth to ask about their STD status and testing history—even though you’ll be playing it safe (and you will be playing it safe, right…?!).
The formula, once again (and sorry to keep using this analogy, but it’s the simplest there is), is practice makes perfect, like repeating your piano scales for 10,000 hours. If you’re any good and enjoy, it’ll only get easier and more fun.
And if you discover early that you suck at grouping, try learning piano instead!
Any group sex tips you want to share? Is it your thing?
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