Q: Dear Holly. My wife wants to find a girl to join us for just sex or to please me when she, as she put it, “needs help.” We have tried several online dating sites with no luck.
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We don’t drink and don’t go to clubs, and she doesn’t have many female friends and none that either of us is attracted to. How can we find someone to fit our needs that isn’t on the other side of the country? – Shane
A: Dear Shane. I’m not sure what “needs help” implies but you have just been given what most men, especially married, would die for. A green-light threesome! Congratulations.
The days of meeting and picking up women at bars has been dwindling, and usually doesn’t feel right once you’re over thirty-five. And that’s okay because with online dating, it’s much easier to find what you are looking for, be it a one night stand, a serious relationship, or a third for you and your wife.
I’m glad you don’t have any mutual female friends that don’t fit the bill, because threesomes with friends have a lot of risk factors. It can put a great friendship in jeopardy if things don’t go as planned, and sex with friends also has the problem of discretion and confidentiality.
If this is your first threesome, I’m going to suggest that you check out ThreesomeTips.com. There you’ll find all kinds of tips for couples about finding a third, sexual positions, boundaries, and potential pitfalls of group sex. These posts will help prepare you.
Once you’re armed with some how-to’s, check out FindaThreesome.com. This dating site has a huge database that caters to couples and singles looking to fulfill their threesome fantasy. You should be able to find someone where long distance isn’t an issue.
Creating a couple profile that stands out and states what you’re looking for is your first step after joining. I recommend writing it with your wife. The process will give you both an opportunity to discuss your varying expectations and limitations. Once you’re on board, you can take your time finding a unicorn—someone who you both can agree on.
Good luck with your threesome adventure! Please share your threesome stories and tips in the comments!
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly
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