I get the feeling that a lot of guys consider compliments an obligatory precursor to foreplay. They think of it like currency: Ten compliments about your body in exchange for fucking it. That’s fair, right?
No, and it shouldn’t be. Compliments were meant to be given as a show of respect, and they’re really only effective when given freely and without expectation of anything in return.
Be Sure to Keep Your Compliments…
I can always tell when a guy is blowing smoke up my ass. I, like many women, have an ultra-sensitive BS detector that tells me when a man is trying to charm his way into my pants. If I’m attracted to him, I might play along, but that doesn’t change the fact that his approach is lazy.
The guys who really win points are honest. They compliment a lot less, but when they do, it’s heartfelt. Their compliments come later on in the date, after some amount of sharing and conversation has taken place, and they don’t reek of desperation.
The most sincere and thoughtful compliments are specific. Rather than saying, “You look hot,” try something like, “You have great style.” This shows that you’re paying attention. and that you appreciate something a little deeper about her than the physical. Just be aware that getting too specific too soon can come across as creepy, so keep your compliments casual for the first couple of dates.
Even though you’ve googled her and think you know tons about her personality and accomplishments, focus your praise on the things she reveals to you herself. This will keep you from laying it on too thick.
Beware of compliments that sound flattering in your head, but are actually insulting once they are released, and met with such principles as gender equality and respect. If your date shares that something important at work almost made her late for dinner, don’t blurt out, “Look at you handling your work-life balance like a pro!”
It’s always best to assume that your date has her shit together and can manage things like a grown-ass adult. Any “compliment” that could potentially call that into question should be avoided.
Focused on Non-Physical Attributes
Contrary to what society and the media have taught us, women don’t need men to tell them they’re beautiful—many of us already know it. If you tell your date she’s hot, and she says, “I know,” don’t feel emasculated or peg her as a narcissist. Rejoice in the fact that you’ve met a confident woman who knows her worth! Then find deeper, more meaningful things to compliment her on.
Compliments don’t have to come flying out of your mouth the minute she meets you at the door. Hold on to them until you get to know her better and they truly mean something.
What compliments do you think women appreciate?