Hookup Help

Hookup Help: How to Find a Threesome

FFM Threesome

Q: Dear Holly. I have dreamed of having a threesome for a long time. I’m in my thirties, so I don’t go out as much as I used to, but I recently joined a dating site and am about to go on my first date. What is the best way to make this fantasy a reality. – Jean-Paul

A: Hi Jean-Paul. Threesomes and group sex are probably the most popular fantasies for men… at least the men I know! I’ve had a few but was lucky enough not to have gone looking. When a ménage a trois happens spontaneously you are relieved of any expectations that have a tendency to build before any kind of group sex. If you’re ready to indulge in your secret desire, then check out these three tips.

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How to Find a Threesome

1. Attend Bars and Clubs. It’s not quite a needle-in-a-haystack situation, but you do need a little help when it comes to making this happen. It all depends on a few key factors. Large open clubs with dancing are best, as these types of places are often where people go just to hookup for no-strings sex. If you’re in a relationship and looking for a third, this might be a good bet. It may not go down on your first visit, but getting to know the regulars over time is one way to get the word out that you and your partner are looking.

2. Ask a Friend. This is how my threesomes always happen. Thing is, you don’t actually have to ask a friend outright all the time. If you like to party, have a few drinks, these things actually just happen sometimes. But if you have you’re eye on two single friends or a couple, you may need to think about the best way to approach these people. Always be prepared for rejection, as sex with friends can be a risky proposition that not everyone is willing to take.

3. Use a Dating Site. Mainstream dating sites like OkCupid can work. Women I know have been approached by poly couples asking if they’re interested. State exactly what you’re looking for in your profile, in order to save yourself and others time. Because a threesome is a specific fantasy, you definitely should check out niche sites like FindaThreesome.com. Yes, there is such a site. Everyone there is looking for the same thing, and there’s no worries of offending someone or trying to explain your motivations.

Check out ThreesomeTips.com for more advice!

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia

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