Q: Dear Holly. Let me just preface this by saying I’ve never been with a man sexually, and I don’t want to be. I was married for many years wherein the sex was vanilla until it was barely happening at all. I’m dating now but haven’t had anything too serious yet.
I like watching porn and recently stumbled across strap-on videos. I find them super hot and would love to be with a woman wearing one. Do many women like wearing these, or is this just a porn thing? And how do you bring such a thing up to a lady?!? – Ed
A: Hi Ed. Wanting a strap-on experience does not mean that you’re gay. It’s just another fun way to explore your sexuality with a partner. I only learned about them a couple years back myself. I’ve brought the idea up of wearing one with a couple of partners, but there’s been no interest thus far. And I don’t consider myself super kinky or dominant, just adventurous.
Porn is a great way to see what’s out there, and you’re right—not everything that is popular in porn translates to everyday relationships. Not every woman wants to put a paperbag over her head and give a blowjob to six strangers!
Strap-ons though are becoming very popular. You can find a great selection of harnesses and insertable dildos at the Kink Lover’s BDSM & Sex Toy Store. Online shopping keeps it anonymous, which might be an issue, especially for people in small towns.
Bringing up your kinks and secret fantasies can be tricky. With a super flirtatious woman who is only seeking a casual relationship, this may happen on the first night. But with many ladies, she may only be interested in donning a strap-on for a man who she’s serious about. It’s very individual. Trust your instincts when it comes to sharing.
You can try a niche dating site such as BDSMdate.com or StraponDating.com where you’ll find kinky women who will have strap-on experience.
But you might be looking for someone new to strap-ons, so you can share your first time together. If you’re not in a rush… continue to enjoy your casual dating and wait for the right time with the right woman to bring up your interest.
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia
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