Q: Dear Jenny. I’ve been accused of being uptight when it comes to bathing, and I wanted another opinion. I admit, I like being clean and always shower in the morning, and again if I’m going on a date. I have been known to shower right before and after sex which has made a few girls frown. I also like it if a girl showers before, especially if I’m planning to go down. Is this too much? The last woman I was with called me anal and said it was an insult to women to ask them to shower before sex. I don’t know if I can change my ways. – Ian
A: Hi Ian. Listen to the ladies! Wanting to be clean and fresh is great and showering every morning and before dates is cool, especially in the sweaty summer months. Now… the jumping in the shower right before you have sex is a bit much unless maybe you spent the last four hours bumping and grinding in a crowded club. For one, it can interrupt the mood, and women shouldn’t feel that they need to do the same. Sex in the shower or foreplay bathing are totally fine, unless your goal is about cleanliness. If you’re not willing to go down on a woman unless she bathes first, it giving her the message that’s she’s dirty or that there’s something wrong with her. I was with a guy like this and he was gone fast… it is anal and unattractive!
After sex showering is a preference. If you do like to feel clean and refreshed after sex, for whatever reason, don’t make a b-line for the bathroom right after. That gives a woman the impression you didn’t enjoy it or you feel dirty (and not in a good way!) Chill out for a bit, cuddle, nap – anything – before you clean up. And if she doesn’t want or feel the need to shower after, that’s not your concern.
If I sound a little pissed, it’s because men who have this “shower thing” really are annoying. So Ian, do what you like to do with a woman’s feelings in mind and without expectations of her. You can change your ways, and you will, if you want women to come back for more.
Guys: Do you shower before or after sex? Do you care?
Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny