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Hookup Help: Delayed Ejaculation

Woman Leaving Man in Bed

Q: Dear Jenny. Ever since I can remember I’ve taken a long time to come. I used to think this was a good thing, but the last few women I’ve been with don’t think so, and my current girlfriend wants me to get to the root of the problem. I don’t need to come to enjoy sex and don’t think this should affect how a woman feels if I can make her orgasm. What do you think? -Andrew

A: Hi Andrew. I have some experience with this. I dated a man who had a similar issue and outlook concerning his delayed ejaculation.

This is my take. Women want a man who can last more than three minutes, but thirty is too long… at least by my watch. Why? Because even a woman who gets super wet, will likely need lubrication after that long. And asking a man to stop because you’re getting sore (inside and out) is a mood killer that can also lead to taking an extended break from sex.

I agree that orgasm isn’t the end all and be all to enjoying sex, but it is important. A woman wants her own, but she can also feel extreme pleasure from seeing her partner come. I remember feelings of inadequacy when weeks went by without my boyfriend coming. It’s hard not to take something like this personally when it happens continually. A woman may also feel guilty for coming when her man doesn’t.

What I would suggest is doing a little investigative work to find out if there is something you can do about your “long time coming.” There may be psychological or physiological reasons for delayed ejaculation, and if it’s affecting your relationships, why not check it out. DE is very common, and if you are in a serious relationship, don’t be afraid to include your partner. Having her support and input when talking to a counsellor or physician will make it much easier.

Delayed Ejaculation: Causes, Symptoms & Diagnosis

Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. Carlos

    February 22, 2015 at 8:10 am

    It is a very common problem among most men.
    Everything is produced by over- excitation . Try to reach the widest possible and not think too much about it . Thank you

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