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Why I Prefer Dating an Older Man

dating older men

Recently, I was out for lunch with some female co-workers, and mentioned that I had set up a third date with…let’s call him John.  It’s not often I go on more than one date with any man, so the girls were demanding more info. What was different about this guy?  I started describing what I know of him so far: handsome, divorced, creative, warm, intelligent…

“How old is he?” the most cynical of the bunch piped up.
“Um…” sensing imminent judgement, I paused, and then decided to come clean.  “He’s 52.”  I said.  I’m thirty-seven.

As I had suspected, there was an awkward pause, broken only by the following (tactless) query, posed once again by Miss Cynical (note the unmarried salutation):

“Is he rich?”

This pissed me off, not only because it obviously paints me in a certain unsavory light (gold digger,) but because it’s hopelessly unfair to older men, who often, I find, have so much more to offer than the younger fish in the pond.  What follows is a list of reasons why silver foxes should feel confident in reaching out to younger gals, and why women in my position should find out what they’re missing.

  1. Maturity – It’s common knowledge that women tend to get their shit together sooner than men do.  Often, if you’re dating a man fifteen years your senior, you’ll find that your values, as well as the things you want out of life now, match up.  No more getting close to a guy for six months and then starting from scratch again when he freaks out and decides he’d rather backpack around South Africa by himself for a year than risk emotional intimacy with a woman who just might be his perfect match.  (Not that this has happened to me.  Ever.)  Most older guys are more self-possessed, less afraid of revealing their own vulnerability, and much better at communicating their feelings, too.
  2. Relationship Experience – These guys inevitably have had more, and/or longer relationships than dudes in their twenties (yikes) or thirties.  If they’ve also got the emotional maturity to match, chances are they’ve reflected on their past relationships and aren’t looking to make the same mistakes.
  3. Sexual Experience – Ladies: tired of drawing a map so he can find your clitoris?  I’ll admit to a period of time when I enjoyed being bossy in the sack.  Now?  I’m tired of teaching.  I want a guy who’s intuitive, patient, and firm, and can control my orgasm, as well as his own.  Swoon.
  4. The Daddy Factor – Guys online in their 30’s and 40’s often have young kids from previous relationships.  If you’re into the stepmom thing, that can be ok, if not challenging.  However, guys in their 50’s might have kids in their 20’s.  This is true in the case of my date, “John,” and it means that not only has he got lots of prior daddy experience, but also, those kids of his are adults now, and long since out of his house.  Also, finding out how wonderful his relationships are with his kids makes him all the more attractive – even sexy – to me.  Call it the biological imperative; whatever it is, it’s working.
  5. Independence – This is ultra important.  I have a life, and I want to date a man who’s got one, too.  It doesn’t mean we can’t get close and enjoy our time together, but I’m not interested in being joined at the hip – or cell phone.  I like meeting someone who’s built a full and textured life for himself, based on his own interests and curiosities.  If he has a schedule which includes exercise, cooking for himself, doing his own laundry, cleaning his own place, walking his own dog, and going out with his own friends – but he still wants to make space and time in his (already complete) existence for me, all the better.  If you don’t need me – yet! – but you want me all the same, I’m doubly flattered, and I’ll never feel like your mom.

There now.  Convinced yet?  And not a word in there about money.  Please give it up, Miss Cynical and the rest of you presumptuous folk! Trust me – I have no trouble at all earning my own.

Now ‘fess up: what’s the greatest age difference you’ve had with a partner?  Did it detract or add to your relationship?

Tell us what you think! 5 Comments

  1. Greg Smith

    April 27, 2012 at 6:45 am

    I prefer younger women .they learn so much ,a lot have never had an orgasm until they get with an older ,more experienced man

    • Lola Page

      Lola

      April 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

      I have to admit, as a woman I definitely prefer a man who knows what he’s doing, whether he’s older on not. Personally, I don’t like inexperienced men.. not into the teaching role.

    • Abby

      July 14, 2012 at 2:04 am

      Yeah! That’s true, I’m so wild when I’ve experienced making love with older men, I was 24 then, he was 49, & it was the best sex I’ve ever had…ugh! I want more

  2. Old Dirty

    April 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    I’m old… and horny!!

  3. john s

    September 29, 2014 at 10:38 am

    We were on AFF. She was 48 and I was in my mid-60’s. She had a six-year-old daughter and a live-in boyfriend in his mid-30’s. I was married (45+ years). She wasn’t “Barbie” (still sexy to me) and I wasn’t “Ken.” After reading her posts in a variety of “threads,” I decided that I would like to get to know her better. Fortunately, she liked my posts also. Since I was a free member and wasn’t able to communicate freely, it was a daunting task to get together. We finally did establish an e-mail connection and set up a meeting. It was everything I had hoped for and presumably worked for her as well. We got together several times with some difficulty since we lived 120 miles apart. We were so compatible that the out-of-bed times were just as much fun as the in-bed times. that’s not always true with many hookups. It’s been a few years now since the last meeting. I still think of her with fond memories of our times together and our interactions on the site as well. After all is said and done, age is just a number. It is the personalities and outlook on life that make relationships “special.” I hope others can find something just as good for themselves.

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