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Just Don’t Get It in Your Eye

What can I say: I love girl-squirt. (Or, as the garden-party set might call it — female ejaculation.) There was a time when I barely understood what it was. But like everything sexual, my curiosity got the better of me, and I was determined to experience it.

I asked one female friend about it and she tore a strip out of me. “That’s just one more thing men expect women to do! Nothing in it for the woman at all, like anal sex!” (Clearly a statement made by someone who’s never had an assgasm.) Well, that was just the kind of unenlightened hogswallop-of-a-challenge I needed to hear: girl-squirt here I come!

So I eventually discovered within my circle of female friends someone who girl-squirts enough to extinguish a five-alarm fire. And guess what: she does it for herself, no man expects it of her. From her I learned that “squirters” walk ubiquitously among us, at ease with their sexuality, and usually insatiable. “I want summa that!” begs moi. I was subsequently introduced to — and had sexy fun with — a whole new culture of women: Squirters.

Best. Sex. Ever.

These women are not at the mercy of men. It’s the other way around. Cuz the thing about squirting is it’s the FOURTH(!) kind of orgasm a woman can experience. In no particular order:

clitoral, vaginal, anal, (and what I now call) “hosal”

If you could cum four different ways from now ‘til next Sunday, wouldn’t you? Anyone who claims otherwise is either fooling you or just a fool.

Now that I have some first hand know-how, I’m comfortable discussing it with women I start to date. And I’m more often than not told, “I wish I could!” or “I think I’m built for it but can never quite get there!” or my favorite, “Today’s your lucky day, mister!”

I’ve also subsequently revisited the subject with the original friend — the frigid man-basher.

“So guess what I discovered and added to my list of faves?” I asked her, while forcing down the most disgusting mock-whatever at her insisted-upon it’s-just-like-the-real-thing tofu bar. But she refused to believe that my True Female Ejaculation weren’t with prostitutes, clinging to the notion that only a whore would agree to such a thing. By this point I considered her perspective on sex would be forever unenlightened and toxic.

My advice to her? “Y’know, maybe you should go fuck yourself.”

For tips: Make Her Ejaculate

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. al

    June 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    want a squirter bad

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